There’s something portal about the feeling of, “we’re done”. Something like a venting of the pressure of initial ideas or expectations that move out the obvious making way for the less obvious. As if everything up to that point was summoning of what we’re actually there to do. Which is what?
This Summer I visited my sister Shawna as she started the process of selling her family home. After 30 years of full time parenting she was leaving her Atlanta home for the next phrase. I had to go. I hadn’t seen her in that house, wanted to see her and her life and make pictures of it.
By then I’d already shot 2-3 Lemme See sessions (my summer offering, affordably priced break-even education sessions to grease the wheels, be with people, and acquaint with myself with my new camera). With that momentum and a fresh in-love feeling for both Delta 3200 film and my new camera I was, more importantly, discovering new layers to long time true, non-material themes of my process or, the time it takes to make a portrait.
One afternoon, smack dab in the middle of my week-long visit it felt like it was time. I knew the ideal light by then, the late summer sun cast diamond shaped prisms through her front door in the afternoon.
There was nothing on the schedule, no one stopping by, no house showings to tidy up and rush out for. I told her, “put something on and let’s go into the forest”.
She’s a fancy kinda gal so an all white jump suit was it. Oh and a pearl collar, of course. But before that I kindly requested (read: bossed her) to wear the sea glass necklace she’d wired together in found-art style 30-ish years ago while living on the north shore- one of my favorite pieces of jewelry to date.
Portraits take their time. There’s a threshold that when crossed breaks the spell of the camera face. I make jokes to urge it along. I tell you,
“Shake your arms, close your eyes, look over there, think about making out".
Being photographed can be incredibly uncomfortable.
It’s strange to make art or catch glimpses of the face we’re in but can’t really see. Attempting to self-see in 2D as a 3D organism is obstruction, a great medium for portraiture.
So we go slow. I talk to myself to stay in me and my process.
I go slow. I compose. I read the light, I adjust my settings. This is the time it takes to make a portrait.
Shawna is an easy collaborator. My sister, and a photographer herself, she extends ample trust and delight in what I do and how it’s done together.
We were getting somewhere with these forest portraits. I can still hear and feel that forest.
I love this portrait. It was taken as the nerves were calming and the real was coming to the forefront. Reminds me of her as a teenager, which is how she is in my mind. She’s 13 (I think) years older than me and this image has something essential of her in it.
Walking out of the forest, thinking we were done, I saw this.
Oh, yeah, here it is…
With one shot of B&W film left I thought, “there it is”.
The light, her turning to leave, the conflict and constancy of chronic illness, the pesky miracle Omnipod that supports dark organs to power rare life, the accepting of life on life’s terms and being seen in it.
The feeling of all the previous conversations and noticing and elements of surprise and style coming together: there’s nothing like it.
Walking through the shady trees toward her house I noticed the color on her Japanese Maple tree and the seeing started up again,
“Look at the color in those trees!”
and
“Your skin!”
and of course,
“STAY THERE!”
I needed to make images in color so I ran past her, through her yard, up the stairs, to the film in my bag at the bay window all the while talking to myself, directing myself as I loaded the film,
“skin, color, trees…watch your exposure, calm down, you have time, take your time”
I spied her through my periphery staying semi-put in her white fancy fit. Then she stopped, bent, and reached down to PICK WEEDS!
I couldn’t chance her moving. Seeing this movement, like that, in that white glam, pearl collar pooling toward her bent head was/is so true!
So essence of her!
I banging on the glass yelling down to her, “WAIIIIIITTTTT!!!! Don’t move!!”
My god when a window photo works. I like these both, each for their own reason.
There we go. There it is.
Texture, color, the disheveled, the response, the clenched toes in soft southern soil, the color of her hair, the elbow wrinkling in support.
Ka-pow! And right on time.
Film & Settings:
COLOR FILM | Lomo 800: Rated film at ISO 200 “pushed” 1 stop in developing (+1).
B&W FILM | Expired Delta 3200: Rated the film at ISO 1000
Camera- Pentax 645N with 75 mm lens
Developing & Scanning Standard Scans at The Find Lab Film Scan and Development: https://thefindlab.com/